August 24, 2019
Around the big top

It's our turn now, ladies


November 5 is National Men Make Dinner Day – a day that will no doubt garner comedic jabs about burnt meatloaf and dry macaroni and cheese, but let me tell you what I think about cooking.

It’s not all that hard, for me.

Yeah, I said it. No offense to the true chefs out there, but I think the difficulty of preparing a meal is highly exaggerated.

In fact, here’s my recipe for success. Choose your meat/poultry/seafood of choice. Put a healthy, well, make that unhealthy amount of salt, pepper, Italian seasoning, garlic salt, seasoning salt, basil, and any other spices or seasonings you have, all over the entrée.

Next, put it on the grill/in a frying pan/in the oven.

There you go. Bon a petit in a matter of minutes.

So there’s the focal part of the meal, fellas. An entrée that will taste like a lovely harmony of charred seasonings saturating and covering a dead animal. Sounds good to me.

Next, we need a side. Now, here is where everyone goes wrong. They spend too much time peeling potatoes and all that jazz, ignoring the truth.

The flakes in the bag are way better.

Yeah, I said that, too. Fake potatoes from a bag taste better than real ones. Big whoop wanna fight about it? (irrelevant Family Guy reference)

Fellas, this year on Men Make Dinner Day, don’t be the butt of the joke, but reverse it and pull the joke over on them. Wife loves those potatoes? HA! Those aren’t even potatoes.

But she doesn’t need to know that.

Okay, we have our entrée, we have our side. Apparently, all fancy meals are supposed to come with a vegetable, even though I still hold tight to my belief that while potatoes are “starchy,” they are still a veggie. But I digress.

The veggie is easy. You only need to have a can, a can opener, microwave-safe bowl and, duh, a microwave. Enough said.

Sprinkle parsley over everything to give it the look of restaurant quality and the ladies will never know that you didn’t really spend much time on the meal, you’ll have made dinner, and it will be pretty much pain-free and minimal on time consumption.

Speaking of consumption, remember, we’re not cooking mac and cheese and hot dogs here, so a can of pop isn’t going to cut it for liquid consumption. You’ll need a couple wine glasses and some wine.

And you can quote me on this – When it comes to wine, it’s best to think INSIDE the box.

Box of wine, baby.

Voila! Just pour it before she sees.

Now to my lady readers out there, and I know there are plenty of you, don’t have a man to cook for you?

Now you do. And you know my skills and where to reach me.

XOXO, Tim.

P.S. I was just kidding about the box of wine.


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