September 25, 2016

The end is near... maybe?

By Tim Barnum
News Editor | news@ogemawherald.com
Posted 12/28/11

Well folks, it’s just about the last year for this big old rock we call home according to the Mayan calendar. The only problem is, we aren’t sure exactly how everything’s going to shake down.

So I have gone ahead and played odds-maker as to how Armageddon will ensue on Dec. 21, 2012.

Scenario 1: the Rapture.

Odds: 100 to 1.

I was always told if somebody predicted the day of the Rapture, then you know it won’t happen on the predicted day. Earlier this year, Harold Camping predicted it would happen May 21. Then, he reneged and said he meant Oct. 21. I learned through Wikipedia that he also predicted the Rapture for May 21, 1988 and Sept. 6, 1994. Either Camping is completely out of his gourd, or we’re all toast. I’m going with the former statement.

Scenario 2: a comet/meteor strikes the planet.

Odds: 50 to 1.

Recently, comet Lovejoy made its way through the solar system and survived a brush with the sun. There is more to the story, but to be honest, I don’t know what the heck most of it means, as I’m no astronomer. However, the pictures looked cool, and I would recommend looking at them on the Internet. Let’s get back to the odds, though. I feel since Earth is currently protected by a massive layer of floating space garbage, the comet would be buffeted if it was coming toward the planet, break apart and at worse, we’d get a couple of big chunks of Lovejoy plummeting to the ground. I have no idea if any of this is accurate, but I don’t think it’s going to happen, hence the 50-1 odds.

Scenario 3: Y2K.

Odds: 1,000,000 to 1.

It didn’t happen in the year 2000. Was it just playing with our heads? Was it waiting ’til we least expected it? Nope. We can all continue to chow down on all the canned corn, bags of dry beans and powdered milk we stocked up on 12 years ago.

Scenario 4: zombie apocalypse.

Odds: 10 to 1.

Perhaps the odds-maker (me) is using wishful thinking here, but I’m still holding onto a few shreds of hope. True, a massive outbreak that turns humans into undead cannibals seems unlikely, but all it really takes is one devious plot from an evil multinational pharmaceutical company and an unknowing doctor to administer the virus, and BAM — zombies everywhere. And since we live in a world where greed and money call the shots, don’t tell me there isn’t some sick individual out there willing to throw mankind into a flesh eating hysteria just for a sack of cash.

Scenario 5: the world as we know it does not end.

Odds: Very good.

I feel this really needs no description.

So there you have it folks. The end of the world has been handicapped, and betting is open. Good luck!

Share

Comments

Please review our community guidelines before posting

Please keep comments on topic and appropriate for all ages. Remember that people of all ages read our website. Those that are not appropriate will be removed. Please read our full community guidelines before posting.

5 comments on this story | Please log in to comment by clicking here
Please log in or register to add your comment

Of course, being the optimist I am I would have to choose Scenario 5 on this one. But if we absolutely have to choose one of the other 4, it would be Scenario 4. Sure, you would have to spend the last of your days constantly dodging undead corpses that are continuously trying to turn you into a human prime rib, but I digress. How many of you could NOT see the upsides to this? Laws go out the window, and your wealth goes from how much money you have in your pocket, to how many cans of stewed tomatoes you have stocked in that satchel on your side! There are, of course, many other upsides to a "Zombie Apocalypse" I could really go on for a very long time, but I feel that would be counter-productive. I would however, suggest that everyone rents a copy of "Zombieland" and brushes up on the rules of living in a world overcome by flesh-consuming, mindless savages. (And I don't mean politicians...) Just a suggestion.

Friday, December 30, 2011 | Report this

Honestly, I think the amount of time and thought people put into this is truly sad! They proved the Mayan prophecy to be incorrect. It was years off or could've already happened which is why some people believe it did already happen to the Mayans because they no longer exist. Anyone who believes in God and reads the Bible will know NO ONE knows when the world will end. There's no prediction. No prophecy. Nothing. I am so tired of hearing THE END OF THE WORLD IS NEAR! I would like to believe my sons have long lives ahead of them. Not less than a year! Hey that's just me. The people dwelling on this should go stand on the corners with signs along side the other nuts. I'm going to continue my life as normal. I will live each day to it's fullest without any regrets because without the world deadline we all have our own deadline and no one knows when that is...

Saturday, December 31, 2011 | Report this

My wife recently took a pole at Wal mart about zombies. She asked "How many of her co-workers believe" in Zombies? To her surprise about 65%, 7 out of 11, really do believe zombies live among us. After all what is Twilight all about, Sunset? No I think the end of our world will come this summer when SEIU's group Occupy Wall Streat starts occupying middle America and a couple of Good Old Boys dicides elimination is the best policy. Once OWS gets to the real people this movement will disipate if you know what I mean. Then the end of their world will be complete and ours will be renewed.

Saturday, December 31, 2011 | Report this

I'm betting on a meteorite, asteroid or something similar obliterating earth, sooner or later. If not one of those, the earth's center overheats & well, that is it.

Saturday, December 31, 2011 | Report this

Why waste time thinking about the end. No one knows when the end will be, so just live you life...pretty easy

Monday, January 2, 2012 | Report this

Copyright © 2016, Sunrise Publishing. Powered by: Creative Circle Advertising Solutions, Inc.