Bold, but not so shocking


I’ve noticed a lot of people making predictions of things that will happen in 2012. Not being one to miss a chance to throw in my two cents, I figured I would do the same thing. So what follows is my list of bold, but not so shocking predictions.

1. In 2012, a member of Congress will resign in shame. Like I said, this is not a shocking claim, as it seems to happen multiple times a year. How will it go down? I see one of two ways. In the first scenario, a Congressman who denounces gay marriage will be caught having an affair with a person of the same sex.

In the second scenario, a moronic member of the House who learned nothing from Anthony Weiner will mistakenly tweet a photo of “himself” to millions of people. Neither of these scenarios will be good for the country, but will be great for late night television hosts. The country will act shocked, but really, everyone will have seen it coming.

2. Voter turnout levels in 2012 will hit record lows. The National Defense Authorization Act of 2012 will disenfranchise voters on both sides of the aisle, leading voters to realize at last that no one in government cares about them. The law allows for indefinite detention of U.S. citizens with no charge or trial. The law was passed by a Tea Party Congress, which was supposedly going to limit the power of the federal government. Nope.

President Obama, who once said even Guantanamo Bay detainees should have trials, signed it, showing us all just how much power can corrupt people in a few short years. People will vote “lesser of two evils,” if they even vote at all, and the popular vote in the presidential race will be decided by the first candidate to reach 20 votes. (Yes, it’s an exaggeration, but the moral of the story is, this law is bull.) The first candidate to hit 20 will be some guy whose inaugural speech will start, “I just told my friends to write me in as a joke.”

3. A GOP Presidential candidate will admit they have no idea what they are talking about, they just want to be president. Then, they will transform into a winged beast and attack a room full of supporters, eating three. This will finally give them the spike in the polls they need. Instead of bowing out after the New Hampshire primary, they’ll bow out two weeks later. This is probably the route Rick Perry should go, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Michelle Bachmann beats him to it. Then again, Jon Huntsman could use a spike in the polls.

4. I will make millions of dollars while simultaneously getting in the best shape of my life. On Dec. 20, 2012 I will be voted as the funniest/sexiest man alive, finally guaranteeing that the end of the world will, in fact, come about Dec. 21, 2012. On that day, between me being honored and the ensuing zombie apocalypse, I will meet every power broker in the world, marry whomever is voted sexiest woman alive and buy my own private island which no one else is invited to.

As is my luck, it will all be taken away the next day when my wealth becomes meaningless and my wife attempts to eat me as breakfast in bed. I will be prepared, though, and my private island will be the only zombie-free location on the planet. Due to paranoia, however, I will not allow anyone else to live there. Slowly, I will lose my mind and eat my own arm, even though I am not a zombie.

OK, so maybe that last prediction was bold and shocking.



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Spoken like a "true" lefty.

#1 Nancy Pelsoi said she will drain the swamp.

#2 Name calling again by the left. Hostage taker, terrorist & they can all go to hell were quotes by several "LEADING" Democrats. Obama preached civility but not to his party. Tea Party congress? The school I went to taught me that there were three branches of government. Wasn't that prison in Cuba supposed to be closed by now?

#3 I guess Obama at a first term senator, lawyer & community organizer was qualified to be president. Military service, not a requirement, but should be.

#4 Nothing else to write about I guess. The economy is still in the ditch would be a start. But we can blame that on the Arab spring, oil prices, Europe & the Japan disaster anything but the borrow, spend & tax policies under who? How far will the government be in debt before unemployment is <5%? Wasn't the federal debt limit just raised last fall and now to keep borrowing the 40% of every dollar spent, the credit card needs a new limit.

What do you suppose we should call the congress that gave us Obamacare without even reading the bill before passing it? If you recall, this same political party had control of both the US Senate & the US House of Representatives from 2006 to 2010 which spent how much money they didn't have? Would this also be the same political party in charge of the US Senate that hasn't approved a budget in over 900 days with just continual resolutions to fund the government.

Congress passes bills & laws and the president either signs them into law or vetoes them. It is easier to blame one person that 100 senators or 450+ congressmen.

Friday, January 6, 2012 | Report this

@dmanwaring1- I see we agree on our political views- my hat is off to you.

Friday, January 6, 2012 | Report this

It is time to clean house in both parties. They sound like a bunch of elementary children on a playground. The last four years of government have not made much of a positive difference on our economy. Maybe we need to find some common people who live within their personal budget, have personal savings account and don't spend money they don't have to run the country for a few years. It's time for change!

Thursday, January 12, 2012 | Report this

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